or How I Stopped Worrying And Learned To Love Magical Brownies. Oh, my God ... what a weekend. Our cousin, MaryJane* brought over a batch of "magical brownies" for a night of happiness and bliss. My wife and I have never tried "magical brownies" before, so I had absolutely no idea what to expect. Let me tell ya, it's like nothing I've ever known ... It started off pretty simple. Ate one. Felt nothing. Ate two. Nothing. Ate three and four. What a load of crap. Maybe I'm one of those people who are immune or something. Riiiight. By my eighth brownie, I was gone ... and I knew it. My wife, on the other hand, spent the whole evening in denial. We spent hours trying to convience her she was "there". So, the first part of the evening was spent trying to make the others believe it's working and the other half of the evening watching them pretend they're normal. What a laugh. Most of the time is spent going in and out of reality. Time really slows down and that's plenty of time to do some really stupid shit. I remember going around the house opening and closing windows. Blowing out candles. Paranoid that the others might wander outside and get lost. Just doing really dumb stuff. We watched "Sid & Nancy" and had a great laugh. I think I probably laughed all evening. See, I believe there's two types of people in the world - those who have this happy effect and those who don't. Kinda like when some people drink - they either are a happy drunk or they get quiet and moody or mean. I know what group I fall in. Now, I'm a realist ... or try to be in this situation and I know that in this condition NOONE should be driving anywhere. So, wouldn't you know that MaryJane* decides she wants to drive home around 3:30 a.m. ... there's no fucking way I'm going to let that happen. I'm not one to start a confrontation, but I was going to try to do everything I could to prevent her from getting behind the wheel. Responsibility and "magical brownies" do not go hand in hand. So, after spending an hour trying to convience her to just sleep it off on the couch - she still wants to drive home. I do the only reasonable thing I could think of ... I grab her keys and run to the bedroom and lock the door. Both my wife and MaryJane* pounding on the door to get the keys. I don't give in. See, I know drug real from real real. They give up and retreat to the living room. I didn't want to stay locked in the bedroom all night, so I hid the keys and wandered back into the living room. She asked for her keys again, and I tell her that I flushed them down the toilet. It was the only thing I could think of to keep them from searching for her keys all night. Guess what she does next ... can you guess? She calls the cops. LOL! Yeah, she does. I'm asleep in bed and the police come over and wake me up. They KNOW and we talk in private. "What's the story?" "We ate some brownies." "Oh, yeah? Okay." "I couldn't let her drive home in this condition." "I see. Who made the brownies?" "MaryJane* did." "Okay, we'll have a chat with MaryJane*." They take her outside and talk for about thirty minutes and come back in. "Where's the brownies?" (I point to kitchen) "We're going to throw those in the garbage disposal. Any other drugs in the house?" "No, officer." "Okay, well, we aren't going to take you guys to jail. MaryJane won't be driving anywhere tonight. Just sleep it off." I return to bed and try to sleep and at some point I finally drift off. I awake and MaryJane* is gone. My wife tells me she called her boyfriend to come pick her up and that she was so mad that I didn't give her the keys last night. Whatever. It's better that she's mad than dead or had killed someone else. I know I did the right thing. I believe I did. Yeah, maybe she could have made it home ... who knows. I wasn't going to take that chance. Anyhow, the whole next day was spent coming down. My God, this lasts forever. I'm still totally buzzed and have no motivation what-so-ever. The whole day my wife and I wait for MaryJane* to return and get her car. She never does. Around 10:00 pm - I think she finally comes around. I don't know what was said because I was asleep, but her car was gone. If she's still mad at me - that's okay ... I can live with that instead of going to her funeral. What a weekend!!!